Adventures with the Shoe

The rants of a blank whiteboard!

2007-04-22T18:47:00.000-06:00

Well I really just felt like ranting today and I figured that this was pretty safe cause I am sure not many people actually stop by here very often. I am having a hard time understanding why people who date seem to drop off the face of the earth to their friends all the time? It is even one of those things that you take about when you are single and they say it will never happen to them but low and behold it does not take long before it does happen. I mean they are good with it as long as the person they are dating is around. Do you know how hard it is to detach that friend from the person that they like for even 5 min to have a conversation? I know that you all know what I am talking about in one way or another. I just hate it and would really love to be able to understand why it happens all the time. It is not something that will go away ever either I don't think. They get married and there will still not be time. I guess that I need to create a grave stone for when this happens and just start a grave yard of people who this happens to in my life. I guess that I also just need to sit back and let it bother me to much. Oh so much for the rant I am off to watch the game.

I'll give my heart to survive!

2007-04-02T22:22:00.000-06:00

Heart!

Ok I have followed the words that I typed back in January. I have placed my heart back into the hands that have caused it the most damage. I have done it with no strings attached and I am trusting that God will help me though and that he is my shield and strength. It is an odd feeling knowing and almost anticipating your heart being shattered again. But at the same time it is a bit freeing. It is kind of like the calm before a big storm. “One final heart-break, And blinding lights will guide our way, Free us our blind state…” These words have been going through my head all day long so far. I woke up to them in a state of mind that was full of anxiety and confusion. I have not however questioned my actions in doing it. I have questioned some of the stuff that was said along with it and have been replaying things over in my head but I know that I did the right thing and that I need to leave it out there no matter what I anticipate. It feels like a totally healthy spot to be in.

“Caught a glimpse of your eye, Everything freezes and I'm ready, To give you my heart…” All of these songs continue to come to me today and it is nothing to just ignore them but it just continues on so that it cannot be ignored. Louder and louder it gets in my head to the point where I have to find the song and listen to it and continue to listen to it. There are so many songs in my favorite albums that keep jumping out to me. So many words to confirm but yet the darkness seems like a slow decent over me.
“I know I was made to go up this mountainEvery bone in my body tells me it's rightI know I was made to go up this mountainBut I'm getting scared of heightsStill I'll sleep to the sound of the monsters roarCause I'll sleep next to your heartbeat foreverThe endings are all rightThe endings are all goodWhat if I could reach insideTo take a deeper breath to see it's all rightWhat if I saw you at my side”

I have for albums worth of songs that I am going through right now. Things today are all crazy around me and words continue to come out through the music that I am listening too and that has been four albums all day long. There is so much in them and they are really familiar cd’s and yet I cannot tire of them right now and continue to play them over and over. If I was to try and mark out all of the things that are facing me off in these albums right now this post would go on for a long time. I will not however quote them all but there are few that I know are still longing to get on the page and out of my head.

It is things like this that I am not sure how to take and how to deal with them but they grab me and demand my attention. They are right there in my face and will not move. The bully my thoughts and I am sure there is a reason for it all. I really don’t know why but I know that they are there.
“I hear you, so don't you say another word Now here you are standing there crushing yourself I'll near you, but my eyes see a different world Here you are standing there breaking my heart, as you're crushing yourself…”

I guess that this goes hand in hand with the decision that I made yesterday. But it makes me feel as if I am standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and looking down wondering how to get to the bottom. I know there are ways to get down but the magnitude of what is right in front of me just baffles my mind and it is not able to think straight right now. Take a step back then think about it. So I strive to step back and see what place God has for me in all that is going on. To hear that still small voice and allow it to echo inside my head. To know what my place and role in all of this is. I stand by for now, knowing that something is happening and I am right in the middle of it but too out of it to know what. This is where the faith comes in and I long for my head to clear from the few good blows that it feels like I have taken to the head. I know that God is right there in the middle with me and I know that I am in good hands. My head might be cloudy but I know that HIS is not and that he is totally in control and knowing what is going on and it is just a matter of time before he give me a command that I must do. Head clear so that I can be ready for that. Let the warrior in me rise up and overcome the fear of the future that grips me. Over come the anxiety and trust! “…When there's not much left to say Words better left unspoken Let me hear from you When your heart is broken …”God let it be so.

Dusk of the giggles!!!

2007-03-29T23:08:00.000-06:00

Ok what a great title even if it is after dark by a few hours. But tonight was filled with great times were uncontrollable giggling started and could not be stopped. I watched a movie tonight that I have been anticipating seeing for a while. I tried to convince Nolan to watch it with me but knew that his ever growing list of things to do should win out over me. Some comment was made about praying about the movie I was going to watch after I had watched it. Nolan's todo list did win in the end and I conceded the victory to such a valiant foe. So off I went to watch the movie and enjoy. Well enjoy I did and I found it quite a funny movie. So after I was finished watching the movie upstairs I came and there was Nolan and Andrea praying so I went and joined them. After a few moments I started to relax and settle in. (This is the part that gets a little bit dicey and some feelings and pride might have been hurt in the making of this story but nothing permanent I hope.) Nolan started to pray and off he went into his usual cunning self and started bringing reference from the movie into prayer. I started to lose it (keep your cool RJ), started snickering and thinking that it was just me. No he continues and the second phrase comes out and I try to maintain composure. A few more snickers and another couple of comments and that is the end of it for me. Now into the giggles and I could not stop for a while. I head to my room with tears streaming down my face and still the giggles continue. I get into the room and fall down on my bed and continue.......... need less to say that this goes on for a bit and Nolan comes in whith a great big smile on his face looking very proud of what he had accomplished and might have even given me a few giggles while I was rolling around on the floor and trying to stop crying. Thanks for times like these GOD and for friends that make it happen!!!!!! Lots of love to you all. RJ

THe Forest that gets us all!

2007-03-19T21:49:00.000-06:00

The Forest grows dreary....

must run for safety.

The dusk draws near
vision starts to fail
yet I still run.

As darkness sets
the forest grows
the trees loom above me

Panic hits hard
My brain screams RUN!

I run through the forest,
I run to the fortress.
The forest holds me back,
tripping me, grabbing me,
holding me back.
Safety is close but the forest
holds me back.

I feel the rip of thorns,
the grasp of roots at my feet.
My mind screams RUN ON!

So there it is something that I started writing at church on Sunday. It is no where close to being finished. it is kinda a morph between a song lyric and a poem so i am not sure which it will end up. I just wanted to share it and get some feed back about it. Sunday was so cool. I have been talking with some of my friends about my tattoo that I am working on getting together to get drawn so that I can get it and it has sparked a lot in me. I know that God is doing some good stuff in me because of this tattoo. It is causing me to go back and look at things that have gone on in the past and look toward the future to see what God has promised me. Enjoy the writing up at the top and let me know what you think.

Fun in the Sun!!!!

2007-03-16T23:29:00.000-06:00

Well the fun was not actually in the sun for the most part. But James and Adam brought some sunshine to my day last Saturday. Ian did as well as we competed to stay out of last spot on Big game hunter. It was awesome amounts of loud fun that was had that afternoon. I love you guys if you are reading this!!!! HA ha We then headed down to the Getto to see Ian's place which i still have yet to see thanks in part of a phone call from my sister. It was a great after noon though and it is always fun with those guys. So what is new with me..... Well this week I stopped in at my Tat artist and set an appointment to get my Tattoo touched up and talk about my new one. Yes that is right I am hooked and I know that I would be..... HA HA so this one will be my design and have lots of meaning to me as well. I don't have the skill to do the art but I will be the director of the art. I would love to hang with some of you guys that are out there and talk about it and get some ideas and prayer. I kinda have a scene in my head but there are lots of little things that I need to get worked out. So if you would like to have a part let me know and we will sit down together.

There is also the new job that continues on and is going good. I am wanting to get my Motorcycle license and do that cause it is a great way around in the summer and it is cheap but I will see what happens.

So life in the house goes on and has a new look every day. It is fun that is for sure. It is good to have every one back around the house again there has been lots of people out and about on adventures the past few months. It looks like everyone is settling down for a little while anyway well and then the weather gets nice and summer is on the way in. I am sure that will have its way with the house and make it even more fun to be where we are. Well that is an update for you all. Enjoy the spring!!! Oh and Chocolate Easter Eggs as well with Peanut butter!!!!!! UMMMMMMMMM wish i had some chocolate right now. :(

Ho hum!!!!

2007-02-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

Hi Ho....... Hi Ho, hi ho it's home from work I go!!! Well that is not what I say most days but tonight it is a different story. I am not feeling good and would not recommend that anyone catch what I caught. I am not sure who passed it on to me but they did a good job. So I had a sore throat on Friday and Sat but on Sunday when i woke up it was no longer just a sore throat. I have to compare it to the closest thing that I can imagine that it felt like which is getting run over by a 18 wheeler. Except you don't end up with the pancake side effect. Everything hurt and I felt like I was about 100 well what I think it must feel like being 100. If there is anyone out there that would like to describe what it feels like to actually be 100 I would love to hear it and compare the way that I felt. Ok today was a very long day at work. Oh well I guess that I can be glad that I got to sit at a desk all day and did not have to be outside. So there something good to end this section off. :)

Ok now for the real thing that i was going to write about. Last week I had something happen to me that was a little bit unexpected and I am not really sure how to take it. I have been praying about this thing and for clarity on it for the past 6 months. I just have to say that clarity was not achieved at all but the opposite actually and it has left me with lots to consider. It comes at a time when I just started to read a book called God on Mute. I have gotten about 2 chapters in and it is a great read so far. I am hoping that clarity comes and the sooner that it comes the better. but is that not what we all feel at times like this. We want to see clear but it is like we are looking into a cloudy steamed up mirror. Something that can be clear but right after you get out of the shower it is something that you hope for. A nice clear mirror that you can look into and shave and not slice and dice your face. The truth is that it is never that way though. it always takes a while to clear up before you can use it the way it was meant to be used. I guess that is what it is like in life a lot. I will continue to wait for the steam to clear and the time when I will be able to see things the way God sees them.

Life is great though. I love the events that continue to revolve around me. Things that involve me when I really am not sure what I am involved with. Life takes it time in getting you places and sometimes we waste so much of it with hoping for the time to come instead of enjoying the ride along the way. Well I guess that I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride and the view that has been given to me right now!

2007-02-11T01:11:00.000-07:00

I guess that the first thing about a road trip is the stops that you take but there is something so annoying like the journey getting held up because Andy wanted to go shopping at the outlets. 2 hours later and we were finally back on the road! Man with stops like that forget getting anywhere quickly.

Ah that is just one of many things that has happened while on this trip. It has been a great trip but I am feeling home sick right now and looking forward to getting home. Which begins the 2 day adventure home. There is so much stuff to unpack from this week that is feels like more stuff then India for me. Man the stories are and were great and the awesome things that are happening around North America is incredible. There are lots of funny stories like the girl that I met that cost me $40 right off the bat. It is ok I am sure that I will get over it and it was a fun game. Would I play it again yea sure I would why not after all I was going to continue on and make another attempt at something that most would find almost impossible but I found a great way around it. Ok there are 3 people going to be in the car and you are sitting in the back seat and you don't want to sit alone...... what do you do? (It really does not matter if it is a girl or boy but if it is the opposite sex it makes it even more fun.) :) I came up with a great idea and would love to hear all of your ideas about how to get this done and if you actually do it I want to know that as well. My Idea got put on to the side lines as the person that I was going to use it on is now not riding with us in the morning. Oh well I guess that it just might warrant another road trip. ;)

Bunnytrail: The first to get married between Andy, Rj, and Nolan gets to move into Andy's room and the other 2 have to then share. Hope that She does not mind a glass door for the first year of marriage. Andy you better get those blinds up soon. :)

Ok I have to go back to the fun that was had on the drive down. Everything was going good till Nolan's car decided that it wanted to try and get Andy and I convicted of smuggling things in the door. Yea that is right Nolan's car does not like me and I am not sure why. But just as we were getting to the boarder the door panel decided to come lose in about -20 weather. We ended up
at the border for an hour about 55 min longer then the normal stay at the boarder for me. Thanks Andy for that.

Ah well everything went ok and they let us in so that is all that matters. It was a good trip thought. It was full of fun in the car and the stops for coffee and food. What can i say it was a road trip. The conference was great and got to meet lots of cool people. Sam and Michel were wonderful. We stayed at there house and drank their beer (which was good). We got to hang out with them and it was totally awesome. Well I know that this is slow in coming but I just wanted to get this out of the way and make room for other things that are going on with me.
Man I am like what 2 weeks behind with my life on here??? HA ha well I guess that it is better that then you never getting to see a small piece in my life. HA HA Well to all of those out there that read this I hope that you enjoy.

Billy? I can hear you but I can't really see you!!!!

2007-01-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

Ok so tonight rocked and I mean that literally. First off I have to send a big huge shout out to my pal Nolan for the wonderful time and I am in your debt for tonight. Anyway now that the shout outs are over we can carry on with the story. Tonight was awesome like the rest of my life these days. Went to a concert and was blown away by an awesome band. They were awesome and as one of my pals that was with me described them "They we tight". Yea I would have to agree. But I do have to make a comment about the lead singers dancing because it looked kind of funny. It was fun to watch and he was defiantly into the music like the rest of the band. It was totally fun to listen too. Speaking of head banging I really don't have the hair for it yet but am on my way. I can't wait not that my hair will ever be that long but it is getting longer. Oh sorry for the bunny trail....... Anyway it was a great night. But what also makes the night even a little better is the prayer that just randomly happens in our house. It was not really random as it was evening prayer even if it was almost 3 hours late. But it was cool how it went full circle and connected to the morning prayers from this morning. That was awesome and being able to pray for my bests friends family(my 2nd family by the way) was just fun to do. I know that there are things that we find hard to deal with but it seems that God is big enough to make things seem so small. So mom and dad if you are reading this just know that I love you and care for you a lot and you are in my prayers. I really like the boxers as well mom the grateful dead ones rock!!!!

I have fallen in love with my FATHER again and with Prayer and talking to Him. It is a wonderful thing and I look forward to some more incredible times a head . Road trip wow thinking of incredible times ahead that would be one of them. I am privileged enough to be going on a road trip with a good friend that is a Brit(I don't hold that against him, he is a really good chap) and we are going to be heading to the states for a week. I will see what kind of trouble I can get him into during the trip. But it will be lots of fun and I love being around him and know that there will be stories that come out of this trip as well.

There are so many things that are going on right now that I could be here all night but for my sake as well as yours(the reader) I will just stop right here......

Light!?!?!?

2007-01-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ok last night I was hanging out chatting with my good friend Andy and we were talking about all kinds of things. While we were talking Pam asked me if I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings - Return of the King and I told her that I would even though it was 10:20 at the time. When I finished talking to Andy we prayed and it was really impressed on my heart that there was something for me in the movie that I was going to be watching. I prayed that God would open me up to what it was and that He would show me. Well I have to say that He did show me and it was cool because it all did not sink in and make total sense until I was laying in bed for half an hour and not able to sleep.

Well what stood out to me in this movie was first the point where Pipen climbs that tower and lights the beacon on Gondor to call for help from Rohan. The second thing that stood out was a little while later Gandolf and Pipen ride out to help the Gondor troops that are trying to flee to the safety of Minis Trith. As Gandolf rides out and meets then he lifts his staff and shines light from it that the enemy is not able to deal with and they retreat. The third one however was brought to mind from the movie because we stopped watching it a little while after that because it was late. The third one is when Frodo is in the Spiders lair and pulls out the elvish light that he was given so that it could light his way. But it is also used just a little while after that by Sam and is used by Sam to kill the spider and save Frodo.

So those are the three things that really stuck out to me and kept me awake for a bit longer then I wanted but just before I was able to fall asleep God showed me that all of these light references could be related to the Great Commission. That the light off all of these is the same Light but the effect is a lot different. It also showed me that I will have a role that needs to be played in spreading that light. I am not completely sure yet but I get the sense that the first thing refers to spreading light on Calgary and calling for help for this city and others in future I am sure. The second was of a little group of warriors that fights for the first. Lastly the final on is just me and my friend and how that you have those one or two friends that you really battle for. So yea Calgary, Um (community), Close friends that is how it looks to me right now. Change is in the air I can feel it!!!!!

Love what is it really???

2007-01-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Ok as time goes by I really wonder what love is? I am having a hard time coming to grips with what we call love. So what is it that we all define it as? Well time tells me that love is a lot of things and many of them ar not good even though most of you would would try to argue the opposite side. Can Love suck????? I mean love is always locked at as a good thing and something that we don't have control over. But what is the later was true but the first part of that statement is not true? What if we give love but never receive it back? What then? Why is it that movies mostly portray love as that. That it is worth giving so you give it and the other person excepts it and then life goes on. Are there any movies out there that do not show love in this way. What would it look like if it was not shown this way? What if the movie started out and love was put out there for someone and they just walked on by or else they never recognized it as love being passed to them? I know that would make for a crap movie.... that is why it is not done. Ah well the things you think of.

So anyway the love thing really does effect me and I am not sure why. Life seems to go on enen with out the love thing and hearts get broken and we must pick up the pieces and move on with life. Something that we all have faced and have gotten over. Oh the one that got away or the one we had to let go. Life is like that if it where not where would we be still with our school crush I guess. Would that be a bad thing???? I guess the problem for me is that I have picked uo the pieces and have moved on with life but as the pieces have fit back into place and have been formed back into what resembles a heart again it starts to beat the same beat as it did before it was broken. What do you do with a heart like that. Does it long for more hurt and pain? Does it just need to be dropped again so that it will never go back together again? These are some things that I wonder about? These are things that I continue through. We were made to love and I believe that but what if that love were abused? We don't give love to ourselves because we already love ourselves. So what is it about giving love that can cause us so much pain. Life will go on but will the heart ever heal? What is healing of a broken heart? Is it the point where you finally don't care about the one that broke it in the first place or does it heal with a stronger love even though it has been fatally injured in the past? Can a broken heart be given to the one that broke it to be fixed? I guess that I will never really know the answer to that. All that I do know is that my heart belongs not in my hands but in the hands of those who break it because they are worth loving no matter how much it breaks for them. So I will continue to pray for the strength to live day after day with others holding the pieces of my heart.

Freckles are the new Blonde

2006-12-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

Ok the title should be pretty informative!!!! Ha ha Ok this is not just out in left field either. I guess that this is just a realization of what has always been there as an attraction to me. I have always enjoyed red hair and it usually catches my eyes and makes me look in that direction. Freckles are something that generally go with red hair and those are definitely something that make my neck turn. This was brought on before or after a conversation with one of my really good friends about things that he looks for and if he would ever date a girl that was taller then him. It was a very deep conversation and it did not go anywhere other then the defining point for him is not tall or short but something completely different. I think that it is awesome how unique we all are. There are things that my friend would look for that I would not and that is cool but what is fun is talking about these differences. Life in these situations are fun and take on an awesome feel of fun and what is more fun then girls???? There now everyone that reads this will have a little more insight into the girls that I might or might not like. Oh and never hesitate to try the matchmaker thing I would find that lots of fun cause blind dates are fun. That is just me I know but I have never been so blessed as to go on a blind date or be matched up by friends and I think that it could and would be lots of fun. I love the awkward stage and the make conversation stage it is lots of fun. Well there you have it folks "freckles are the new Blond for RJ".

Calgary or bust!!!!!!!

2006-08-27T06:33:00.000-06:00

Well here it is the day has finally arrived and I am off to the airport soon. I am on my way home. It has been a fast 2 months but I am looking forward to getting home. I miss so many people at home and am looking forward to seeing them again. I look forward to seeing you all soon. This will probably be the last post that I do till after I am home. Hope that you all had a great summer. I know that I did!!!!!

Pictures of Goa

2006-08-23T05:08:00.000-06:00

Ok I thought that I would make some of you wish that you could go to Goa!!!!! It is way better in person. :)

Hope that you enjoyed these as much as I enjoyed taking them. :)

Panji (Panjim)

2006-08-18T05:51:00.000-06:00

Ok I am to the point where I want to be on my way home. I have a little more then a week and I will be home but I have seen lots and am really looking forward to coming home. Ah there is so much to do once I get home as well. I have found a place with a few friends and will be moving the day after I get home. So we will see how that goes. It is cool though cause I am looking forward to that. After that it is back to school for Con and back to work for me. I am looking forward to getting back to work as well and being able to get back into the grove of things. I am looking forward to hanging out with all of you that have been checking up on me and making sure that I am not dead or having an absolutely horrible time.

Ok one thing that I have found lots of fun is bartering you got it. I think that I have gotten the hang of it as well. I am not sure but the prices continue to get lower and lower. This bag that I bought the lady started out at 450rs and I was like great thanks I am going to look and maybe come back. So I started to walk away and the price was all of a sudden 350. I was like that is great and then she asked me for a price but I was like ah I am going to look around and if I see something else I will get it maybe and started walking again. She walked after me and went down to 250 and I continued to walk. 200 I hear from 10 feet behind me. But I keep walking. I walked by that shop 3 time the next day and the price went down to 150 I was like now that is something that is sounding like a good price but I walked right on by. Later in the day I did venture back to the shop and they tried to put the price back up and I was like no way you said 150 and they were like ok 150 then and then I was like no 100 and it went back and forth like that for a little while but I walked away with the bag for 120 which is like $3. I have gotten to enjoy it a little to much I think. It is going to be hard to come back to set prices after being able to bargain for almost everything here. I however have not gotten away from being ripped off. Ha ha I found though that you shop at shops that Indians are at and you listen to the prices that they are getting and then you have ammo to get you a better white person price. While I am on the suggest of being around shops I have to tell about the sellers on the beach that want your business. It is on the edge of annoying once you have come across the first 20 of them and I have to say that I only ever got sucked into looking at some of their stuff once. But I will put things in perspective to the prices here and the product. The product is all the same from one shop to another. There is not very much creativity in all of the shops but in some there are but on the whole it is the same stuff. If you walk into a shop or look at the stuff that the beach sellers are trying to show you. The prices however are very different. :) In the shops they necklaces are 25 to 30rs and on the beach they start out at 150 or 200. They make it look as if they are giving you a great deal at 50 but the truth is that it is still double the price. I had lots of fun with all of the prices dropping so much and always used it again on someone else. But that is the shops by the beach. I know that the place to get stuff is in Bombay because when you tell people that you were there and bought stuff there they always say yea things are cheap there. So I have not gotten much while I have been traveling because I am back in Bombay soon and will get lots of stuff there. Anyway I am off to enjoy the sun some more.

I would like to buy a Capital Please!!!!

2006-08-17T07:20:00.000-06:00

Well that is not the whole truth. I really don't want to buy a capital but I am going to the capital of Goa tomorrow. I will be there till my return to the big city of Bombay on Tuesday. I am not sure I am looking forward to Bombay again but it does mean that my trip is almost over. The further north that I go the more it seems to rain and the less sun there seems to be. Ah well I guess that is what you get when you come during the rainy season. It is ok though I am coping just fine and have a few days of peace and quiet in the party central of Goa. Ok there are no parties in this part of Goa at this time of year and there is almost no one around. So it makes it nice and quiet which is good. Well the internet has been down all day and there is now a line of people behind me that are waiting so I will sign off and let them have their turn. Hope all is well in Rose Country!!!!

Playing in the waves!!!!!!!!

2006-08-12T10:21:00.000-06:00

Playing in the waves is lots of fun. If you have never done it I would say that you are missing out. Unless you can't swim then it might not be as fun. But the waves crashing around and over you is so much fun. That was my day today. I have been in Goa for 4 days now and am loving it. It is not the normal India that I was used to. The beaches are nice but still have litter all over. Ah well it is something that you get used to. I am currently in a small beach town called Colva Beach. It is great although the food is more expensive here then other places that I have been. There is lots of fish and seafood. Con you would love it!!! Well lets see today was full of sun and rain and waves crashing around me. Oh that and I met some people from Britain and Germany so that was lots of fun. I am still having a blast and am in relax mode right now which is good. Well tomorrow is Sunday and I will be off to a church with someone that I met while on the train on the way to Goa. It was cool meeting him and it will be fun seeing the church.

So My loss plan for the rest of my trip is as follows: Monday I am going to head to Panjin (not sure of the spelling on that one) then to another part of Goa in the North and spend a week up there then back to Bombay. I will be there for a few days before I fly. So that is it in a nut shell 17 days to go and it is going by fast. Well I think that I am going to sign off and I will try and write another adventure on Monday. So it is something to look forward to. Hope that you all are having a great summer.

27 hours what would you do in that time?????

2006-08-04T08:01:00.000-06:00

Ok there are so many things to still tell about Bombay but I am going to link some of that with another post. I am in Vellor right now and there is not much here other then an old fort and a Christian medical college. Both of which are really cool. I am going to be walking through the hospital tomorrow and went and saw the fort today. I bought this piece of cloth today that is called a lungi (not sure of the exact spelling but that is how it sounds). Yes it is true I am walking around in a dress (well more of a skirt) thing. A lot of the locals all over India wear these things and I discovered my need for one after a few British guys asked me if I had one. Then they told me how comfortable it is to have one and wear it. So today I was shopping with some people that I met here at the Medical campus and decided that I would give it a try. Guess what house mates yes that is right I am bringing this custom back with me. I just have to get the experts here to show me how to wrap it up the right way so that it does not fall off all the time and expose my butt when I am walking. Ok that only happened once and thankfully it was very dark outside............ As for other things here they are good. It has been odd though for me a North American to adjust to all of the cultural changes that take place from one region to the other. They are somewhat small and suttle changes but the effect of them is a big thing. Not to mention that I was getting used to hearing Merati spoken around me all the time and now it is something different all together. Well being here has been incredible so far. I am rooming with a guy by the name of Chad. He is from Kansas City. I also got to meet and hang out with about 5 British (2 of which were born in Karala), a guy from Norway, 2 girls from Australia, and a girl from Toronto. So that has been lots of fun. It is way more fun to shop at the market with 5 people compared to yourself go figure. So having people around is cool. I am heading from here on Monday and going into Banglor so that will be lots of fun. Well so much to say so little time. Hope that this keeps you hanging till next time.

The Golden Roll.......

2006-07-28T06:37:00.000-06:00

Elephant Island..... Brought to you by Cannon A520 where taking pictures is not just fun it is an experience.....

Yes the Coke drinking monkey was there as well. He was lots of fun.....

Ok Now on with the regularly scheduled program...... The search for the golden roll of TP.
TP is the hardest thing to find in India unless you know the right shop that has it in stock. not to mention that when you start asking around for it at the shops here you get funny looks and them asking you what it is for...... I think that they just hear paper so I was sent to a stationary store. I though maybe he just deals in all things paper but no so off I went again in search of the golden roll with is really a salmon (pink) or white color. But in the end of searching in the area that I was in I had no luck. So I went back and asked my hosts if they knew of anywhere that would have the golden roll. They did have the map to the treasure and found not just on golden roll for me but came back, after beating the natives off with big rubber sticks, with 3 rolls for my using pleasure. I was delighted and found out that there are a few shops in India that carry North American things and they are hidden from those of use that need them the most. Ha ha the truth is that the shop was just a long ways from where I was and he took a special trip to get it for me. So the moral of the story is if you think that you have enough you don't steal or take more with you. The first suggestion I don't recommend but desperate people do desperate things. So that is how the Golden Roll came into my possession.

Oh and just so you know McDonalds was not on monkey Island!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and thank to all the readers that contributed to the last post. I really enjoy the comments and if you read this at all you should leave something to know that you are reading. Not to mention that it will make the author feel all fuzzy inside. Oh and to those of you that have a sense of humor like the ones on the last post please comment more cause that was not quite enough. I did enjoy it though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-26T19:22:00.000-06:00

Ok I want lots of comments. I want you to guess as to the most valuable comoddity over here for the westerner. This is just something fun for you all and for me. Hope that you enjoy and I will post something soon. I promise it is 6:45 here and I am just getting ready to head for a town that I don't know the name of and I am not entirley sure what we are doing there. So it will be a good day and a 3.5 hour drive one way. So I will blog soon cause there is more to tell you all about and just for you Shirly there is someone to blog about as well. (don't let that bother you to much :)

from India with love..

2006-07-22T00:17:00.000-06:00

That title just came to me and now for some strange reason I want to watch Bond. HA HA Well things here are good I am hanging out with a friends family here and they have put me up in a little room and all my needs are being taken care of. A lot cheaper then if I was at a hotel and she is an amazing cook. I told her that I was trying to lose a few pounds and she said that I need to eat more cause I am not eating enough. HA HA Getting her to serve me just fruit and toast for breakfast was a chore in itself and she keeps asking if she can make me something else. The food is amazing to say the least and she is thrilled that I can eat Indian food. I have adjusted quite well to the food and find that if I eat to many green chilies that I start to have a bit of a problem but in small doses they are good. The food has some amazing flavor Nolan you would love it. While I am on the food subject I have to say that I have had 2 western meals in the last week as well. Pizza Hut and McDonald's both of which are almost the same except that I can't get a big mac. Once I was in McDonald's I had a craving in the worst way for a nice beef burger. Ha ha it has been 2 weeks since I have had one. I have had beef since I was here though. On Wednesday night I had am amazing beef curry. Oh so good. Anyway enough about food.

Well I have been shopping and to Elephant Island and have been on all kinds of adventures. The local train that is an adventure. If you want a seat at the start of the line you hop on to the train while it is still moving. It was fun. Things here are very different then Canada. Yea I know it is India but to be a Canadian in India can be hard. You know that be nice and wait your turn that does not go here at all you could be waiting for all 1.1 billion to go in front of you and they will not ask or offer you a place in line. With a population of over 16 million people in Bombay it is very much take care of yourself thinking. The train is fun though if you like getting stared at. I understand know what it feels like to be the one that sticks out. Being white on a train full of Brown people you get people staring. To feel odd like that is something that I have never felt before but have been very aware of since I have landed here. I think that I could type and type trying to tell you all everything but for the sake of time I will not. I guess that you will just have to have me over when I get back to get more details. HA HA

I was told before I left that I needed to have some adventures while I was here but I just want to say that it is an adventure every time you step out the door here for someone that is from Canada. The local train and bus are great but I know that I would get lost if I was to do it on my own. That is why it is good to have local guides that are willing to take you places and try to convince you of things and pull your leg and joke with you. That would be the Naz boys for me. They are 3 Indian guys that are Assistants to the pastor that I am staying with and they have been my guides for the last few days. They have taken me shopping and to Elephant Island.

Ok so on with getting you up to date with my travels and my doings. On Thursday I had the awesome privilege to go and see the Gateway of India and to go to Elephant Island. Both of which are beautiful. The gateway is huge and has some amazing craftsmanship in it. Yes Jonny I did get pictures that you will like of it. You are always in my thoughts when I am taking pictures of things specially buildings and the such. HA HA So the gateway is not just the gate way but it sits right on the shore of the Arabian Sea and that is where you have to catch the boats that are going out to Elephant Island. Oh side note here at the gateway I meet an Aussi by the name of Ryan and invited him along with us if he wanted to come to the Island. He did and we had an awesome talk but I will leave it at that for now cause he is an entry all on his own. HA HA So into the boat and off to the island we went. The boat ride more then doubled because of the rough water but that was ok. We made it safe and sound and upon getting to the island I was not sure what we would find but we found stairs and lots of them. It was a great work out and about 500 feet up or more not really sure but it was a long way and a lot of stair. The top finally oh look another place that wants money. HA HA but that was not the worst part the locals that I had with me cost 10rs each and it was 250rs for me. What a rip off but it was worth it, that is about $5 Canadian if you were wondering.

The caves themselves are beautiful and amazing to see. It is a temple that has been carved out of the stone. The doorways and everything were carved right out of the rock. To see it now as it is took my breath away and I was amazed at the work that went into it. Then it made me think and try and imagine what it must have been like in its day. There were holy rooms and court yards. It must have been incredible to see it at its glory. Statues carved into the rock and out of the rock. What a sight to see. Wish I could post some pictures of it so that you could see the beauty that I am talking about. I will try some other time cause it is not working right now. Well that gets you up to date with me and my adventures for right now. As I took yesterday off and read most of the day. Tonight is youth meeting night so I will see how that goes and tomorrow is Sunday. Still missing lots of you but am having lots of fun and will talk to you all soon. What only 6 weeks to go or something like that anyway ha ha hope that you are all having a fun summer.

Pictures

2006-07-21T03:22:00.000-06:00

Ok so I am going to try and post some pictures. Just so that you all know the India has blocked the viewing of blog sights so i will not be able to check my comments. If you have something that you want me to know before I get home e-mail me. ok now on to the pictures. I will post the pictures that I mentioned in the last post. I hope that you all enjoy them. I will probably add some more as well we will see how the connection works for me. Ok so the pictures in order are of Nagpur, then of Tadoba National Park and the a few of Mumbai. The picture of the beach is of Chowpatty Beach here in Bombay. I will make a few more posts over the next couple of days to get you up to date with what I am doing right now. Hope that you enjoy the pictures.

of Temples and such...

2006-07-17T08:18:00.000-06:00

Ok I was thinking today that it was time to tell my tales of Nagpur. On the return from Tadoba Notion Park I had the pleasure of getting a tour of the city by people that live in it. It was an amazing city. I got a few shots of it from higher up which I will try and post on this blog. If it is there you know that it worked. Over the course of my visit to the park and the tour of the country side I got to know my host quite well. So while we were in the city I requested of him to take me to his temple. So not only is Nagpur the center of India but it is know for the most people converted at one time. It happened in 1956 were around 3 million Hindus converted to Buddhism. My host was one of the ones that converted. It was and amazing story to hear. So he being the good host that he was and oh so eager to show me his temple took me there which is one of the largest free standing domes in India. It was amazing and being the fact that he is part of that temple and all and is active in it he got me into the center of the dome. This is a pretty big thing since all the people just touring it have to see the dome from the outside windows. I however got to stand right in the middle of the dome. It had some amazing acoustics. I took this advantage to pray for India. First for the freedom of the country and second as I was in the middle of India that God would send out his forces like waves around the country. It was a truly amazing thing for me. I also got to visit a few Hindu temples as well and was able to pray through them as well. There is a huge difference between the two types of temples. All in all it was amazing to see both styles of temples and I know that there will be many more that will be visited before my trip is over.

I have added 3 pictures to this blog the first picture is of Nagpur the city, the second is of the temple in Nagpur (I can't remember the name of it), and lastly a picture from Todoba Nation Park. Hope that you enjoy. Hope that the pictures show up. :) Ok I think that the photos did not work sorry the connection is really slow!!

Tadoba National Park

2006-07-15T00:59:00.000-06:00

Ok first off I am sorry that there are no pictures with this as it seems that USB ports are hard to come by. I am sorry for this and I think that I will create an album of all my trip pictures somewhere online so that you can see them all once I find a USB port in this country. HA HA

Ok on to the park and the amazing adventure that was had. I got off the train in Nagpur and was met there by my host and a car. We then proceeded south out of the city and 200 km and 4 hours later we arrived at the guest house that we would be staying at for the time that we were there. This guest house was just outside of the park gates and was really nice. It was a little ways from a little village that I got to walk through and see on one of the days. Also get to meet the head of the village which was really cool.

So when we arrived at the park we were allowed entry from 3PM to 6PM. The hours of the park are 6AM to 11AM and then 3PM to 6PM everyday. So those were the hours that we were in the park. It was so amazing to be there and in nature. It was so beautiful. One the first evening we went around and spotted some white spotted deer, Sambas (also a deer), a couple of really big lizards, and some wild bison. Oh and there are lots and lots of birds that are all over the place. The ground of the park is mostly red rock and clay. Mix that with the lush multi colors of green and the many colors of the trees and you can start to get the picture of the paradise that it is. So that was the first day.

The second day we went to the village that I mentioned earlier and around the buffer zone of the park looking for tigers and any other animals that might come our way. This was filled with a lot of trees and few animals for some reason. The best times to spot animals other then spotted deer are early in the morning or later in the evening. Other then that they go into the trees and by water to rest and get away from the heat. I White Spotted Deer are everywhere and in large herds just so that you all know that. They were the most sighted animal on my trips around the park. So day 2 was nothing much in the way of spotting animals but it was a good ride.

Day 3 was a lot more eventful. We were into the park by 6AM and on the look out for the Tigers and any other animals that we might see. It was a good day and saw about 10 or so wild boars, peacocks, more deer, and a host of birds oh and monkeys saw them too. There are so many things that we saw on the rounds of the park that I know there are things that I am forgetting right now. The pictures will remind me of everything. HA HA

Day 4 the last and final morning this one was held with much hope for seeing a tiger but much to my dismay I did not see a tiger. I saw an eagle that was amazing and something that is quite rare to see. There is so much to this part of my trip that I am not putting down here so I will tell you more about it when I get home. I have to go for now but will add more as time goes by.

Back in Bombay

2006-07-14T06:51:00.000-06:00

Well lets see there has been so much going on since the last post. So for now I will update you all as to what is going on. Sorry for those of you that were all worried about me and sent e-mails making sure that I was ok. I am ok and doing just fine. I did not post anything because I have been away from civilization and loved every minute of it. I was in Tadoba National Park and loved every minute of it.It was so beautiful and amazing. WhileI was there I was wishing that I had Jono's really nice camera. Got some amazing shots though with out it. I will try and start posting some of my pics here as the days go by. The experience of the park was a very good one and now that I am back in bombay I kind of long for the nice quiet of the park and the guest house. Oh well back to the crazy city. Got in this morning on the train at around 8 am and found a nice hotel where I will be at for the next few days. I am going to be getting together with the mission contact that I have here and am looking forward to that. I am going to be doing a couple of entries tomorrow and getting this thing up to date but for now I am going to sign off and go add some more time to my cell phone and then supper and a nice night in my room reading. Missing you all very much.

Bombay or bust!!!!!!!

2006-07-07T23:14:00.000-06:00

HA ha I have not busted yet and yes I am in Bombay. I had a very long trip good as it all was but by the end of it I just wanted to be here and when the plane finally came down under the clouds and I could see the light it made me very happy. Well lets see the last day+ has landed me in lots of places. LA, Taiwan, Malaysia, and last but not least mumbai. I am happy to be here!! The flights were good and nothing to exciting happened. The excitement came once I was off the planes. HA HA In Malaysia I got a hotel room for my stop over and lunch. I was surprised to get that but the shower and nap were wonderful. :) The fun was the drive there and back. I just have to say that when it comes to driving there are lots of suggestions in the form of road signs but I don't think that they mean that much to the drivers. For example cause I am sure that you want to hear some fun stories!!! The highways in Malaysia and India are very much different as I found out last night but the India roads will have to wait as I tell you about Malaysia roads and drivers. The roads in general have some very faint dashed lines on them telling you where the lanes are. When I say faint I guess that you should interpret that as almost none exsistant!!!! You can see the outline or a little bit of paint that is on the road but that is about it. Not that it matters that much anyway. I have to stop right here and let you all know that I love the cab rides so far. The drivers cut across 2 or some times 34 lanes of traffic when taking a turn! That makes for great corners and turning. They really don't slow down at turns unless of course they have to because of another car in there way. Speed is a sweet thing here... the speed signs I think are a suggestion as to how slow you might think about going on the roads. For instance road sign says 70km driver going 110km it is awesome. Oh I have to point out that driving on the wrong side of the road did not feel that odd to me that is until I was sitting up front with the driver. HA ha When we left the airport to go to the hotel I as sitting in the middle seat in the van and thought to myself driving on the left of the road does not fell that weird but as soon as I was sitting next to the driver on the way back I realized that it felt totally odd and new to me.

Horns!!!!!!! Yea that is right horns!!! Like the kind in the car will never be seen as the same to me after this trip. We use them to let people know if we are pissed off at them or if there driving sucks and they just about hit you but in the places I have been so far I know that it is not just a replacement of the middle finger like it is so many times back in Canada. Here it has lots of meaning like the one I found out last night in India on the way to the hotel. The beep that just simple means I am coming through so you better look out. This one was used a lot actually and most of time to either people on bikes, mopeds and the occasional pedestrian. There seem to be so many kinds of beeps that I am sure that it will take me the whole 2 months to figure them all out but as I do I am sure that I will pass them along to you. :)

Well it is 11am here on Saturday the 8th of July and I think that I am going to go find some water and maybe a place or 2 to shop and try and find the things that I forgot at home. HA HA There was not that much that I forgot but the power converter is the biggest one that was forgotten. HA HA so much for having rechargeable batteries. Oh that and I forgot TP but that I remedied on the flight into India. HA HA I took a roll from the plane. HA HA ok now that you have all had a few good laughs I will say farewell for this time and will write more soon.

LAX and the great late night!!!!!!!

2006-07-06T00:37:00.000-06:00

Okit is night and I amm sitting in LA right now waiting for my next plane ride that is almost 20 hrs long!!! Lucky!!!! It is true I do know and the trip thus far has been a great one. I know that I just left and all but I have to say that I am hhaving lots offun tking my shoes off and walking thru metal detectors and standing in line. I did however get outide in LA for a little bit of a walk!!!! That was really nice. It wa nice and cool outside and i got to walk about 10 blocks worth from one part of the airport to the other. I got to sit next to these old ladies on the way down from calgary to here and just saw how God's hand is i this. There names were Katie and Faith... Faith had been to India years before and told me her whole story and how that the poverty ovr there made her sad. It was really awsome to hear the story from someone that was well beyond my years and had been in Calcutta and went to Mother Teresa's Orphanage back in the day. Well that is the first of many stories I am sure. I still have a few hours to wait till my next flight.... Ahhhhhh almost out of internet time........ gotta run will write more later and thanks to those of you that e-mailed me!!!! Miss yyou guys already and will talk to you soon!!!!!!!!!

Leaving on a jet plane don't know when I'll be back again!!!!!!

2006-07-01T08:51:00.000-06:00

Yes that is right it has been a very long time since I have last posted anything on here. But know that will not be the case. My house is packed into a 10' X 10' storage unit and I am leaving the country. Wow what a crazy last few months. There has been so much stuff going on. OK so that was the point where my mind just went into the remember when part of the show......... There were good time and there were bad times after all it is the 60's..... oh wait sorry wrong life. Well over the last 2 months that I have been absent from blogging I have had a roommate move in with me and stay and introduced me to a lot of bad habits. Ha ha.... Well as the days tick down they seem to be going at a rate that does not allow me to get everything done that is needed. But I will be ready!!!!! Wow the beginning of an adventure that is sure to give me some good stories to tell. Hopefully some good pictures as well. Well I guess that I am out of time for this for right now but there will be more updates as I go along.

The weekend that went to the Badgers

2006-05-05T21:54:00.000-06:00

Ok I guess that since it has been so long I really needed to post. Ok I know that this will not be a long post but I have to post this from last week cause it is so great. I went to a stag on the weekend for a poor soul that is getting married on the May long weekend. Ah well I guess that he will be ok I mean it could be worse. HA HA I am so kidding I wish the 2 of them all the best and know that it will be awesome for them. But anyway back to the party cause it was so much fun. Staying with 16 guys is a lot of fun and I think that there should be a week long road trip or something of the sort at some time in the near future. Ok there were the signs that stick out in my mind (when I say signs I mean that each car wrote messages on a sign to show the other cars that were in the group) there were 3 that stand out nice and strong in my mind: 1. Finger the green neon 2. Want to cuddle? 3. Honk if you love badgers. So those being the three that I really loved. Here are stories that go with all of the signs that were made on the trip up but that would just take way to long. Anyway I was dwelling on the Badger thought and was thinking of Sat night when I took some chocolate kisses and left them in front of a room that had some badgers staying in it with a note with my friends cell # on it. Oh that was so much fun. The badgers did call in the morning and wanted to know if the chocolates were a mistake. What a good friend I am helping friends get badgers!!!!! Speaking of badgers you have to check out this link http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1104 becasue it is so cool. Yes the badgers are coming!!!! Ah this is just such a fun post that I am just going to leave it at that. I will recount some more of the happenings in my life later.

What it means I guess!!!!!

2006-04-22T04:42:00.000-06:00

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	66%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	66%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	58%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	66%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	50%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	26%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	30%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	58%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	62%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	78%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	74%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	70%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	66%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	66%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	78%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	86%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	66%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	82%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	50%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	50%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	62%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	62%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	46%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	26%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	46%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	50%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	62%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	58%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	42%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	62%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	62%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	66%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	46%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	22%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	58%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	34%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	22%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	46%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	62%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	62%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	66%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	54%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	42%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	74%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	58%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Personality!!! You tell me what you think!!!!

2006-04-22T04:37:00.000-06:00

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Poise	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Leadership	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Provocativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Self-Disclosure	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Talkativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Group Attachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Understanding	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Pleasantness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Tenderness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Nurturance	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Conscientiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Efficiency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Purposefulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Organization	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Rationality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Planning	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Happiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Moderation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Toughness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Impulse Control	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Imperturbability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Cool-headedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Tranquility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Ingenuity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Reflection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Quickness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Creativity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Depth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%

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Hidden passage ways and rooms!!!!

2006-04-22T03:24:00.000-06:00

Ok I know that everyone has these in their lives and that some more then others try to live life in them even though they know that they should not. I guess that I am one of those people. I come from the wrong side of the tracks or right side whatever way that you want to look at it. I guess that I have been watching what is on the other side for such a long time that I really just want to be over there and not in the place that I am or the person that I am. I guess that as time has gone on I have built this very intricate network of hidden passage ways and rooms. I know that this is the case and I spend time in them to get away from what I know. I can be anything in these rooms that I want to be. I can be real, I can pretend, I can do what ever I want and no one is there to tell me other wise. I guess that with all of that I am kind of feeling like Batman. No matter what you do you always end up feeling alone in the end. I guess that is why I really want to come out of these hidden places and back into life and the real world. The world that I know as being the one where nice guys always finish last. The world where black is black and white is white and in most cases white is good and black is bad. The problem with this world is that I really don't see myself fitting in either with the good or the bad. This is the real world for me. Someone was praying for me on Wednesday night and she told me that God said I was worthy and that He had stuff that he wanted to give me because I was Worthy but I guess that I believe Him in what He said through her but that I really want stuff now. I long more then anything not to be alone. I see it all around me I wander into this fog and once in a while I will see a light shine through for a while. But sooner or later, which it is usually sooner, I find myself in the same fog all alone. I really hate to be alone!!!!! I guess in saying that sex is not the issue here. Being alone is the issue. The part that does not want to hang out at home alone. The part that wants something back that has been missing for what seems so long now. It is also the part of me that does not want to go to India alone. The part that wants to share and care for someone again. So many things that it just seems easier to stay in my hidden rooms and keep then hidden from everyone. But where does that get me? It makes me not real most of the time and then sorta real the other times. I guess that this place is not hidden to all. I have let people in there into these hidden areas of me and I just find that when I do I get attached to those special people that I have let in. It usually leads to me getting hurt and them not even knowing!!! There was a movie that I saw along time ago but I cannot remember the name of it. It was named after the main kid in the movie. It was about a boy that was from a family that really did not have a lot but he went to school with all the rich kids and longed so desperately to fit in and be one of the cool kids to get some people to notice him. But I guess that is how I feel! That I am the poor kid trying to fit in with all the rich kids and I really don't fit at all but stick out like a sore thumb. Lucas I think was the name of the film.

I guess that I am not sure how to lock up these hidden rooms since most people don't even know where they are in my life and the different areas or things that cause me to head into them and away from everything else. I don't think that it is usually people that cause me to go into hiding as much as it is myself. I keep thinking of the whole Batman thing and it just seems like maybe it is the best thing to describe what I feel. I don't want anyone to know about it but in that I get lost in myself all the time.

YOU ARE WORTHY how can I take that as truth??? I know that I need to but I feel that I have not been worthy for so many things in life what makes now different??? I guess that I really just continue to search and start sealing off the hidden passages and ultimately the hidden rooms as well.

Wow if you actually read all of this good for you ,you deserve a hug or a gold star the choice is yours but you have to buy your own gold star. :)

Broken thoughts

2006-04-16T12:53:00.000-06:00

Ok now I have fallen behind on posts that I wanted to do. Well this post should have been done on Thursday to go along with a great night that I had on Wednesday night. I love new places and new experiences in life. I guess that most people share that thought HA HA. But Wednesday was great but I had a few broken thoughts while I was at a bar in town here that is called Broken City. I guess that it was not the place that really sticks in my mind as much as the thoughts that were just so random in my head as the night progressed. The music is one of the things that was really good there. I think I knew 5 or 6 songs total all night that they played but the music that was played to the majority was really good and I liked the sound of. There were a few songs that I really liked. Franz came on and I had to love that to the full extent. It was a song off the You could have it so much better album the song was:
Do You Want To
When I woke up tonight I said I'm
Going to make somebody love me
I'm going to make somebody love me
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
That it's you
You're lucky lucky you're so lucky

Well do you
Do you
Do you want to
Want to go where I'd never let you before

Well do you
Do you
Do you want to
Want a go of what I'd never let you before

Well he's a friend and he's so proud of you
He's a friend and I knew him before you

He's a friend and we're so proud of you
He's a friend and I blew him before you

Here we are at the Transmission party
I love your friends - they're all so arty

So that was the song but I don't know I have talked with a friend about this kinda idea before but on Wednesday there was something in my head that just wanted to do that. I find it kinda funny cause I have thoughts like that but most of the time it is very general but on Wednesday it was not general but rather specific there was a girl in my mind at the time and still now I really want it but I know that there are just to many things right now in my life that kinda stand in the way anyway. Like me going to India I think is the biggest one not to mention that I have a real uncertainty about trying to make someone love me. I guess that we all do it to some point but I guess that it is all perspective! I guess that I really can't remember all of my broken thoughts there were so many and I can't remember them all right now. Oh well I guess that is what happens when you do not make time to type the stuff out right after it happens. HA HA

Garden of Though

2006-04-10T23:10:00.000-06:00

So many things running threw my head HA HA so many want to get out but only a few will. I have had a really weird night tonight and am not sure why but all day I have been fighting this lethargic feeling and am not sure what it is from and what to do to get ride of it. But tonight it feels to have slid away into the dark night quietly. I am glad that I don't feel it now but I know that what I do feel is not really me either but the drugs that I am taking for my arm when it hurts. Tonight I had a good talk with a friend that I have not known that long but I have come to realize that she amazes me in so many ways. On the second day that I had known her we were hanging out and I took her home and on my drive home something odd happened to me. A poem just came to me. I am not sure what it means and could not tell you exactly what it means to me right now or even at the time but there is something in there. I guess that as I look at it and read it, I see that it fits with life and not just mine or this amazing girls but everyone's. For all my friends that I care so much about. To anyone that reads it and it touches there heart.

A single tear runs down my cheek
A tear that runs for you
A tear not for regret
A tear not for sorrow
A tear not for the past
A tear not for the future

A single tear runs down my cheek
A tear that lingers for you
A tear of hope
A tear to free
A tear to love
A tear to believe

A single tear runs down my cheek
A tear that runs for you
A tear that lingers for you
A tear that dries for you
A tear of thought just for you!

I guess that has been running threw my mind for the last week and I have just been waiting for it to come out. There are so many thoughts in the garden of my brain but I think that I better stop with that one and let it settle and let the rest develop a little more before I pick them.

The Market and Other Random Acts!

2006-04-09T07:34:00.000-06:00

Ok the picture I took last sunday night while I was sitting by the river with a few friends. I was sitting there by the river and had my Camera and could not help but take a few shots. There are a few more that I am sure I will post in the next while but this is one of my favorite ones for the time being.

Yesterday I decided to go on a bit of an adventure with Con and a friend. So we ventured to the Crossroads market. Ok I will say that yes I have been to flea markets all over around the states and some of Canada and this really did not very from the norm when it comes to markets except for the art gallery. Wow is all that I can say. There were some amazing pieces of art. Con even got interesting in all of the sculptures that were around so that was awsome. I think it is amazing to try and see art from a 6 year old perspective. It is really quite hard to do and needed his help to get me there for a few piecies. HA HA But the rest of the market was good and ended with the fresh veggies and fruit. It was so fun. While we were there we decided on Salmon for supper so we got all fresh stuff to go with it. It was totally fun shopping with someone again and just hanging out. It feels like so long since I have had that I was happy. The other thing that made me happy was that I got to make supper for my friend. I love being able to do that and it had been a while since I have done it. But in the past week I got it twice. Oh how I love it thanks guys!!!

The Salmon was awesome and the rest of the meal was good right down to the oatmeal cookies that did not want to be cookies but really wanted to be squares insted. Everything was great. I had such an amazing time and can't wait to do it again.

I think that yesterday would have to be the best day I have had with someone for a little while. It was very relaxing and not full of alot of running around. Supper happened and the rest of the day just happened. I am glad for yesterday I think that it was just what the doctor ordered. HA HA Till next time.

Sunset and Sunrise!!!

2006-04-02T07:22:00.000-06:00

Ok I have so many things to post today but I am sure that I will not get too them all. HA HA Oh well what can I say! Anyway the sunrise this morning was amazing even though I did not see it from start to finish makes no differance at all. As I was driving home this morning at about 6 AM (Oh wait no that is 7 AM thanks Daylight savings time) I was driving home from a terrific night and I just had to stop and look at the clouds that had the splashes of early morning color on them. I had to look for a while and just be amazed at how beautiful it is. The sky was breath taking to say the lest and it made me think of the earlier post of mine. sun rises are awesome. I guess that I will write more soon as I have the urge to go to sleep right now. :)

Sunrise or Sunset!

2006-03-28T01:10:00.000-07:00

Well I sit here and I am caught in a bit of an odd spot for me anyway. Yea it is 1:00 am and I am not in bed and sleeping. It is just one of those nights where there are too many things for my brain to think about. I tried to go to sleep at like 11:00 and since then it has done me no good to be in bed. So I was thinking about a lot of things and thought that I might share this with others that might have the same problem once in a while. I will say that it does not happen to me very often. So I am not really sure what to do when it does happen. But some of the things that kept flashing in my mind were pictures. Pictures of all the sunsets and sunrises that I have seen in my brief existence of 27 years here on the planet. I though tonight about it in a different way then I have ever before. As the sunsets I am sure that there are people out there that just cringe as it drops below the horizon and others that look forward to it doing the same thing. As I sit here in the middle of the night I am not sure how I feel about it. I really love when the sun goes down but also look forward to its return in the morning. But as not being able to sleep I can see how people with this problem a lot would easily long for it to come up and dread it's dropping at the end of the day. For some reason it fells more like you are alone once the sun goes down? The sunny disposition of life slowly fades away with the light and the realization of aloneness settles in. I guess that this is part of the reason for being awake right now. Sunrise and sunset are both so beautiful but can be so different that it leaves a person to decide on their own, which one to look forward too.